A New Day...

Today I awoke refreshed and ready for a new day. A conversation that was had at work yesterday struck me. 3 of us were talking about the need for another person on our team, but in this economic downturn, now is not the time to hire someone. One person was concerned with mine and a co-worker's health due to taking on extra work. I pointed out that we both need our jobs and will be there regardless of health issues. This prompted a thought in my head (as many things do)....boy, am I lucky to have a job! Regardless of how tired it might make me, I'm so lucky to be able to wake up each weekday and get ready for work. I think this hit me hard because for the last two weeks I have been moaning and groaning about having to go to work and how tired it makes me.....well, that has changed and I will no longer be complaining. This conversation along with an email from the president of our company gave me an overwhelming sadness for all those people that have lost their jobs. The email we received yesterday morning made it more real that if things don't get better for our company, we will be forced to cut back on hours and/or wages. I do have an advantage because I work in the most important team, customer service. However, it still scares me because I can barely keep up with my bills and if that were to happen, what the heck would I do?! Now that I have acknowledged that, I will admit that I still have hope that we won't be forced to make those changes. Every time I think about it, I get an overwhelming calming sensation and a sense that things will be fine and this only encourages my hope.

I have been awake now for exactly 45 minutes....children and animals asleep and I'm sipping my coffee. I cherish my quiet time in the morning and in the late evenings. This quiet time allows me to ponder on many things. I have to giggle because my mind races all the time, but I do make an attempt to grab onto only a few thoughts during these quiet times so I can focus on them. Most recently, there have been 2 thoughts I have pondered more than the others. One is my health and the other is how precious life really is. The first...my health....those that know me, know that I am a very curious person. As I have gone to so many doctor appointments and ruled out a good chunk of things that could be causing my dizziness/unsteadiness and the pain/pressure in my ear....I'm still left with no answers and stuck in the unknown about it. I may seem a bit obsessed about it, but I still think I do have Meniere's disease. When I ask the Otoneurologist and the ENT why they say I don't have it, the only answer they have is that I don't have progressive hearing loss. Now, to me, this doesn't throw it out as an option completely. Set aside the fact that I don't have decible/volume progressive hearing loss and EVERYTHING else about Meniere's disease fits what I continue to describe as my challenges. Also, who is to say that I haven't had hearing loss?! They have done two hearing tests recently and the results have showed that my hearing is "normal" but on the low side. Plus, I HAVE HAD hearing loss...it has to do with the other part of hearing called discrimination.....the ability to clearly make out different sounds that different letters make. Even without background noise, I struggle...and then throw any amount of background noise and forget it! On top of that, I have been pondering what the Otoneurologist has said about the dizziness/unsteadiness...she says it is most likely migraine associated dizziness and I want to know how that is possible when the problem started 1.5 years before my first migraine. Yes, I have follow up appointments with these doctors, but how do you politely challenge your doctor?! LOL I forsee that being a very interesting experience....so I will have to post once those appointments are complete. Now, for the second item....life is truely prescious! I have known this for a very long time....ever since my mother passed away when I was 14, but it's very easy to forget how prescious life really is. On 2/6/09 a co-worker of mine was killed in a horrid car accident in the prime of his life. He was such a wonderful person and had only been married for 3 months, it's hard to understand why his life was cut so short. There is no understanding why it happened and I know that based on my previous experiences with loss. It's been several weeks now and I continue to think about him and am forever changed, especially when I'm driving. This has also been a very good reminder that each day is special and life is very precious.

For now, I must get ready for work.

Be sure to tell those you love how much you love them. Also, remember to smile at someone today! :)

Until next time....